Emotions are changing… The pace I was once comfortable with is now merely within my reach. As I watch my life race pass me in speed of light, I fell to the ground only to realize how much I have missed. Subconsciously aware, yet I never allowed myself to think beyond. Here I am, striped bare, sensing the cold chills of my very own blunders.
“Things happen for a reason”
Good or bad, everything happens for a reason. Yet, discovering and realizing the core meaning of the reason seems troublesome. As for me, I vaguely manage to discover it.
Playing along is what I do best.
My words are starting to twist my life itself. Promises unfulfilled. Words spilled out from my lips before I could even think wisely on the consequences. God, I hate making promises in times of desperation, desperation, to lock my true contemplation, desperation to put a smile on someone else’s face besides mine.
I’m not Gandhi nor am I Mother Teresa, no doubt no one is. Yet, I allow the subtle bliss of locking my true emotions and thoughts just to watch others basking in the complete opposite.
“How long can I go on?” I ask myself. That’s when I find myself stranded in a corner of my room, figuring out answers to questions I know I can’t find, or never allowed myself to find. Days pass by, and repetition takes place. Again I find myself making the same mistake. Over and over again, and again I find myself, nearing to self realizations and constant self questioning. Next thing I know, no change has come.
Even at this very point, as I’m typing, my mind asks the same questions…
“How long can I go on?”
Then again, would this last at least another good 10minutes? Or will I finally bring upon myself a change I deserve? Or will I repeat my promises in disguise all over again? Am I alone in this orb of twisted words and abrupt awakenings?
Oh no! Not another set of questions.
