Ever wondered on the purpose of your life?
How often have you caught yourself questioning on your whereabouts in, often many situations?
Dwelling is what I do best. Pondering over every logical (at times illogical) question...
Yet, I have not reached far in my realm of ambiguity.
Farthest I have conquered would be answering objective questions which have had its stand in Google.
Why am I bound to reach roadblock in life, motionless in my own predominant ego?
Why are there times where everything seems so perfectly fitted and nothing else matters, only to stumble upon Lucifer awaiting His chance to snatch it all away for good?
When would I reach my own “nirvana” on earth?
Well that is just the beginning of the adventure I am facing. My very own escapade of discoveries and more un-answered and un-answerable questions...
In a nutshell, I’m stuck! Fluxed with my very own mind playing its countless shenanigans on me...
I have yet to reach a destination where I am content mentally, emotionally, physiologically (and everything in between)
It is a major bane when you are just sitting there like a mannequin, nodding away in momentum of everyone around you. To have your inner feelings suppressed by what others view as the most logical thing you can do... to have others decide for you whilst your heart quivers endlessly, yearning to be heard. Yet your lips seals shut! Shut tight into pure enigma of pathetic-ness. Again I find myself in front of the mirror, stripped bare, in nothingness. Naked with only my questions playing as a robe, protecting my bare skin...
Empty without a sense of direction to where your heading is as similar to committing suicide. Only difference I see is the existence of the physical body during and after the emotional and at times physical pain. What am I doing? Is this what I want in life? See... questions again. I feel lost in my own regime of constrains and desires. Constrains of changes I dislike, desires noted in my diaries, constrains of responsibility I am tangled in, constrains of expectations of others, and so many more, much untold.
Is this what life is all about? Contemplation and aggravation increasing as youth is swallowed by time, is this what life is meant to be like or likewise?
I hope not! If it is.., why am I not happy? If it’s not, where are the secrets hidden for a better life? Are those actually secrets? Myths? Or are those just pure manifestation initiated by generations long time ago? Perhaps ‘happiness’ is strolling through my eyes as I watch it pass away slowly, while I become hyperactively constrained by my own diversion?
I dread not think of the feelings overwhelming me now.
As it would only hamper ‘thee’ in slow death.
(In a non literal sense that is)
Genocide of the mind...
Yeah...
...that is exactly what I would call it.
Emotional Genocide.
