I have awaken From a deep slumber of ignorance Ignorance towards myself as a person and the world around
I asked for the purpose of my existence, I questioned the powers of the Supremacy, I, now possess the answers, Answers to questions brewing so strong its catastrophic, For myself, as well as, the world around,
I now hold the enigma, bewildered with concious-ness, Wondering what is my next step and where should i place it, I crave for a cycle of change, With this answers I now posses the capabilities to change ME.
Patience, empathy, forgiving, maturity in thinking, love, compassion... Virtues i have ignored and camouflaged, Camouflaged with narcissism, pretentious-ness, and ignorance, Ignorance to face the imperfect-ness we all abide by.
I have woken, To a changed individual, I shall rise and face the ultimatum, Leaving every fear far behind, As I walk along the trails of ...
How often have you caught yourself questioning on your whereabouts in, often many situations?
Dwelling is what I do best. Pondering over every logical (at times illogical) question...
Yet, I have not reached far in my realm of ambiguity.
Farthest I have conquered would be answering objective questions which have had its stand in Google.
Why am I bound to reach roadblock in life, motionless in my own predominant ego?
Why are there times where everything seems so perfectly fitted and nothing else matters, only to stumble upon Lucifer awaiting His chance to snatch it all away for good?
When would I reach my own “nirvana” on earth?
Well that is just the beginning of the adventure I am facing. My very own escapade of discoveries and more un-answered and un-answerable questions...
In a nutshell, I’m stuck! Fluxed with my very own mind playing its countless shenanigans on me...
I have yet to reach a destination where I am content mentally, emotionally, physiologically (and everything in between)
It is a major bane when you are just sitting there like a mannequin, nodding away in momentum of everyone around you.To have your inner feelings suppressed by what others view as the most logical thing you can do... to have others decide for you whilst your heart quivers endlessly, yearning to be heard. Yet your lips seals shut! Shut tight into pure enigma of pathetic-ness. Again I find myself in front of the mirror, stripped bare, in nothingness. Naked with only my questions playing as a robe, protecting my bare skin...
Empty without a sense of direction to where your heading is as similar to committing suicide. Only difference I see is the existence of the physical body during and after the emotional and at times physical pain. What am I doing? Is this what I want in life? See... questions again. I feel lost in my own regime of constrains and desires. Constrains of changes I dislike, desires noted in my diaries, constrains of responsibility I am tangled in, constrains of expectations of others, and so many more, much untold.
Is this what life is all about? Contemplation and aggravation increasing as youth is swallowed by time, is this what life is meant to be like or likewise?
I hope not! If it is.., why am I not happy? If it’s not, where are the secrets hidden for a better life? Are those actually secrets? Myths? Or are those just pure manifestation initiated by generations long time ago? Perhaps ‘happiness’ is strolling through my eyes as I watch it pass away slowly, while I become hyperactively constrained by my own diversion?
I dread not think of the feelings overwhelming me now.
Ok, things are changing so rapidly now, I feel like I am about to fall off a cliff anytime soon. Just one step forward and there I go falling flat on my face, facing death or paralysis.
Drama is the essence of life, but what do you do when the drama becomes violent? I am living in sheer procrastination and pretentious-ness. (…and I am sick of it…)
Don’t blame me for it as I find no other alternatives. Yet I am confused on how to change myself.
I have sacrificed a lot and hushed them for years… Yet no one sees it and no one even bothers acknowledging it.
Then again, I can’t complain…
Who is there to listen to my cries?
Who is there to tend to my needs?
Who is there to support me like a best friend would?
Who is there to pat me at the back and say it proud, “he is my best friend”
I am losing confidence in all I do, yet again I have to hush things and suppress it to myself…
Is this how things should be?
Or am I being plain dumb and ignorant towards “self-help”?
It troubles me when I stumble upon these two words in my head... No matter how much I try to separate the two infamous words, yet the finale always turns out to be the same. Compromising and understanding, comes hand in hand. We have learned that to enable understanding, we need to compromise. In order to compromise, we need to understand...
What puzzles me is the inability to understand and compromise at certain circumstances. Why does this happen we ask? Well its simple... Not one human being is born equal. Practically every individual are born differently. We develop a contrasting mindset compared to others, thus we are unique in our thinking and our values. As we grow, we are influenced by our surroundings. Media, people we interact with and even family.
A couple in a relationship must ensure the ability to understand and compromises exist between them. However what is there to be done when there is lack of similarities when the two individuals are a major contrast in terms of thinking. Does this bring D-Day to the relationship?
On a personal basis, I find compromise and understanding an easy task to be carried out. It simply emphasizes on empathy. When you put yourself in another person’s shoe, you see the logic in their thoughts, and actions. Such things brings us closer to the objective of understanding and thereafter, compromising.
I find it worthless when a couple separates because of lack of understanding and compromise. Here compromise also generates the idea of sacrifice. Well I have learned that it is crucial for a couple to sacrifice in order to achieve a sustainable relationship. However, one must never give in too much as too much of something is as fatal as nothing at all...
This can go on as it is a debatable topic; however I would just like to pass this message to my partner...
“Darling, I am compromising and understanding as much as I can... I am human too, and there are things that I need time to work on... It doesn’t mean that I have less feelings for you or that I don’t want too.. It just takes time... I love you... and I will never allow petty matters surpass as a reason for our downfall... And I definitely expect the same from your side....”
I want to carry you in my arms and sing you a lullaby... I want to rip you apart and see you suffer... I want to smack some sense into your empty brain... I want to idolize that personality I admire... I want to make love to you all night long... I want to run away till I’m gone...
Oh, emotions.... What a strange word you are... You, f*cking manipulative word.... How I wish I could turn back time... To the day where emotions ran free, dignity never on stake, innocence as white as snow..... Time.... I really missed you... Memories... If only I could relive them... Euphoria... If only it would last... Me, myself and I... Long gone...
It was one of those days I wished i could re-live! It was one of those days I wished time would just freeze! It was one of those days where everything was just perfect!
Apparently Faheem and Amanda came up with a plan to surprise Tasha and I by bringing us out, and the pain they went through covering up was funny!
Though they did spill a little clues yet they managed to pull off a perfect surprise!
It was a trip to Mines Wonderland.. With the right person at the right time it was indeed an amazing trip
We had a great deal of fun strolling around in the train, fooling around with the animals, witnessing Faheem bugging the life of a poor lil parrot, being awed by catching short glimpse on the white tiger. Truly magnificent!
Having Pizza, (thanks for the treat Mandy), watching the musical fountain show (though the songs played was kinda ... ehm... 'different') , freezing ourself's in the Ice Factory, monkey-ing around with the camera, and so much more.
All in all we had an amazing time together, the perfect four!
As we walked in to the room, he jumped onto the bed, with an innocent smile on his face, with his mischievous look on, as he fixes his gaze on me. His eyes pierces through mine, as he tries to steal glances on my naked body. He reaches to my hair and runs his fingers through it, as he trains his fingers down my bare chest. Agitating me in ecstasy with every breath he exhales.
With extreme sensuality, he reaches to my now wet lips and kisses it with passion so intense, my heart skips a beat. He burns the innocence’s in me and releases the beast within, long trapped in abyss of denial narcissism and inconvenient truths. He works the magic of love making like a craftsman working his lumber. Experiencing it as if there would be no life on earth tomorrow, cherishing each minute, making use of all time possible.
He certainly knows what is best to be done. He knows how to make his man happy. He knows the language of love on the edge of his fingertips. The flaming passion on his eyes excites my erotic side. Allowing me to show him what I have in me. Oh how can I resist him? How am I able to resist the smile on his face? How am I to resist the intoxicating kisses he gives? How can I resist the cute chuckles he makes? How can I resist the way he makes me laugh? Oh God how!?
He brings the man and women out of me. He brings the best in me. He without doubt is the one, who rages the passion in me, as bright as the sun, streaming as fast as the waves pounding the shores. He is the only one in the world whom makes me smile like no other. Best of all he is the only one whom makes me feel the happiest man in the world.
All I want to say is, thank you. I want to thank him for all he has done..
He truly is the most amazing person I have ever come across and I love him so much .
Yeah, you heard me; he is going to take me somewhere for the next three days to a place I have no idea about. No clues were spilled, nothing at all. Yet all I know is I am supposed to pack extra towels and extra shorts to wear when I am showering. Which leaves me thinking...’Why shorts?’So that’s when the probability hit me hard in the head. There will be a public shower place!
This was enough to scare me to my nuts!
Well, all I can do is have a great time and not over express my excitement. As I tend to do that very often!
Yeah!
Three days! Finally for once in my life I’m looking forward for the weekend!
No parents, no commitments, nothing...! Just great moments with the love of my life! Yeah!
From a teenagers perspective, for the general public,
What’s gone wrong with tolerance? Is patience that expensive to pay? Is a smile nearly impossible to fake? Today I was left to face what I call, one of the worst bus experiences I have ever encountered. Three disgracing encounters involving three rude Rapid KL drivers.
There I was, heading towards a driver to ask him basic directions to Serdang KTM Station, as soon as the bus made its stop at Bangsar. All I asked was what bus number I should take in order to reach Serdang KTM Station. What I got from this specific driver was a 5minutes rude eye to eye stare and a sarcastic answer of How far Serdang is. I asked him again, and he took another moment to reply whilst giving me the cold treatment I didn't deserve. I thanked him and walked away. He couldn't even manage a smile at the least. Till this very moment I am wondering, why did he give me such a cold stare? Was I not supposed to ask the driver for assistance? Was it a mistake?
At the bus hub in K.L, I walked towards the Rapid K.L information counter to verify my route to Serdang. I stopped at a board displaying the routes and managed to track down the bus number the previous driver from Bangsar gave me. To my surprise that specific bus doesn't head to Serdang KTM Station, instead it heads towards KLCC. To reassure myself I asked a correspondent at the Rapid KL information booth and he just abruptly told me the same number, and another person inside told me harshly to check the board before asking. I told him the board was misleading and to my shock he yelled at me, I repeat, he yelled at me, saying "You pergi baca baik-baik"(Go and read it well) .
I just walked away. Thank goodness a kind lady asked about my whereabouts and guided me. She told me they changed the routes and bus numbers and said the information displayed on the board was wrong. Imagine the pain someone in my shoes has to go through? I managed to get into the bus and on my way the bus stopped at a bus stop before Serdang KTM Station. A foreign student asked him in English, how to get to Serdang KTM Station, and the bus driver, unable to answer well in English, just mumbled a few words.
The foreign student asked whether or not the bus stops at Serdang KTM Station again and this time the drive raged for no apparent reason and yelled back at the foreign student, in broken English. To quote exactly what the driver said, “You go pakai you otak, you buta!?” (Use your brain, what are you, blind?!) Apparently there was a board indicating the routes, behind the seat of the fellow passenger, pasted on the window. Who would have guessed? This is sheer insult to the whole hype on Malaysians are friendly people. One wrong ingredient is enough to spoil an entire pot of good soup. These are the minor things that we all should improvise. Ethics, patience, and warmth are indeed crucial in one’s life, and we should come to realization of that.
Rapid K.L should take major steps in order to curb these unfortunate events and inculcate the Malaysian spirit into their recruits. Where a great day starts with a smile and end with a smile. Where patience is a virtue practised at all times, therefore setting a positive example for everyone. I hereby would like to urge the general public to voice out their opinions and the authorities responsible should take a higher step in making an effort in improvising the noble service provided to all Malaysians.
Well, maybe not for everyone, but it is a funny word for me. It's funny how I can have various interests intercepting every cell (OR WHATEVER YOU CALL IT) in my brain.
Funny thing is when the interest pops in at one minute and leaves at the other. Not literally. My interest ranges from movie making, to choreographing, to painting to writing, to musical instruments to comics and so many more.
The most annoying part is, these interests don't last long. It kicks off with extreme adrenaline rush and fades away so subtle, it surpasses my realization.
Have you watched a movie where, either, the storyline, actors, acting, music or even cinematography has caught your attention, so strongly, that you would just watch it over and over again?
Well, I obviously have!
These are the movies which has caught my attention over the years. No doubt it has impacted me in many unforeseen ways. It doesn’t matter if its English, Tamil, Hindi, or any other language.
Language surpasses any boundary.
1. DEVDAS (HINDI)
Cast : Shahrukh Khan : Aishwarya Rai : Madhuri Dixit
2. THE COLOR PURPLE (ENG)
Cast : Danny Glover : Whoopi Goldberg : Oprah Winfrey
3. KANNATHIL MUTHAMITAL (TAMIL)
Cast : Madhavan : Simran : Keerthana
4. WATER (HINDI/ENG)
Cast : Lisa Ray : Seema Biwas : John Abraham
5. TUESDAYS WITH MORRIE (ENG)
Cast : Jack Lemon : Hank Azaria
6. MINNALE (TAMIL)
Cast : Madhavan : Reema Sen : Abbas
7. PROVOKED ( A True Story) (ENG)
Cast : Aishwarya Rai : Miranda Richardson : Naveen Andrews
8. CINTA (MALAY)
Cast : Pierre Andrea : Que Haidar : Rashidi Ishak : Sharifah Amani
9. PHANTOM OF THE OPERA (ENG)
Cast : Gerard Butler : Emmy Rossum : Patrick Wilson : Miranda Richardson
It was a big day for me today! Yes it was! It was indeed! I drove from Puchong to Mid Valley! It might sound a little immature and all, yet I have nothing to be shy about! Since I am a down earth bad drive! So, this was more like, me, putting myself on the top of the Eiffel Tower, tied with a single rope, and REQUESTING to be pushed down! Yet, i managed to pull it off!
Thanks Faheem for the guidance and the patience! I owe you big time dude!
We often wonder why things happen in such manner. Why does this happen to me!? Why me? Why me? We often ponder our thoughts and dwell into confusion. We relentlessly ‘whip' ourselves and blame it all on thy self. That's when things turn bad.
We start pick pointing the smallest faults in an individual. We get aggravated on the smallest problems. We pick unnecessary fights with someone we are not supposed to. We end up being a complete idiot and sadly it all happens unintentionally.
I have come to realize that the 'idiotic' side should be controlled. It is manageable, it is not impossible. Here I am sitting at the altar of tolerance, I am constantly telling myself that self control is the best 'birth control' for troubles.
To be honest, it is working tremendously well. I have come to terms that it’s my call to lead a life that's hassle free. Well there is no life that is hassle free, yet, the least that can be done is to reduce its degree of hassle-ness.
It is working and i am going to make this happen. Tolerance does help a lot and i am going to make it work for myself.
It's 7am and im waiting for wai kit, we're gonna take the bus to k.l When my mind started wondering. I should Never be left alone. Questions after questions come haunting my mind. Life's pretty confusing now.
You know When they say god's closes one door but opens another? Well i Can truly believe that now. Though i might not state that i believe in god or what so ever but im certain there's someone up there.( Im starting to believe that statement now.) Life's been pretty tough.
The door opening to a happy household has been sealed shut. Where else the door to my other half which was always closed tightly now seems to be open. Why cant both doors remain open? Is it too much to ask for? It's tough to be myself in front of my family. It's more to a taboo act to carry out. Imagine someone not having a single respect on your say, hard to endure? Now imagine it coming from the people dearest to you.
It does hurt as much as it is annoying. The aura of Unspoken thoughts, dreams, love, feelings lingers around me ever waiting to burst through the wall built by them. Oh How i wish time would fly now. For time to suck away all of these 'taboo' aura. Only time would tell on what awaits me. Part of me wishes time would eat it up, but the other part of me wishes time freezes and doesn't play it's course.
Libra is everything that Virgo would secretly like to be...charming, romantic, dashing, devil-may-care and popular. When Libra turns on the charm, Virgo is swept away in a romantic haze without ever realizing that the Libra partner has done this dozens of times to different love interests, often utilizing the same words and the same actions.
Eventually, the Virgo individual will come back to earth and notice that most of the Libra appeal is superficial and that could be the beginning of the end. Essentially, Libra is far too affectionate and frivolous for the emotionally inhibited Virgo, who takes love very seriously. Virgo refuses to express flowery admiration, which is the stuff of life to Libra natives.
The stay-at-home Virgo resents Libra's social butterfly instincts and pursuits of pleasure. Libra's tastes are expensive while Virgo is careful...even miserly...when it comes to money . If this relationship is to work, then Virgo must come to accept the infidelities of the Libra partner and learn how to live with them. If not, then he or she will be a very bitter individual who is disillusioned with love. If the critical Virgo should analyze the inner Libra personality too much, then the Libra mate will become outraged and break off the affair.
Virgo is ruled by intellect but Libra is ruled by feelings and emotions. Virgo sees no logic in disruptive behavior and desires a quiet and calm home life. In turn, Libra finds Virgo to be fussy, critical and totally inflexible, as well as being petty and narrow-minded, particularly in terms of faithfulness.
Romantically, Virgo is more straightforward in his or her approach, whereas Libra prefers the dance of love. In addition, Libra natives are apt to be romantically inclined at any given moment, regardless of the time of day or location, and then do an abrupt about-face, requiring that they be courted for hours before the first move is made.
Thus, the affair is destined to be short-lived. Indeed, any longevity in this union is sure to bring unhappiness to both parties. But if effort is put... otherwise can be achieved.
It's 2008, and everyone whom I know are either, buzzing around wishing "Happy New Year" or they are too busy 'indulging' their nose into The New Year Resolution List they prepared 5 minutes the clock stroke 12.00 a.m.
I don't get it? What'd the whole hoola-baloo all about? Yes, I am asking this with a concious mind.
Why is it so essential that we start a New Year resolution drama, that many, can't manage to walk through even at the first month.
Why do we promise ourselves we will be better in the future and why do we seek for a better year ahead? (I should stop using 'we', as I have full permission to exclude myself)
Why must there be a wishing ceremony, where one wishes another good luck, wishes one a better life, and most commonly wishes one to have a better financial life which they call 'prosperity'
I so hate the emphasize lay-ed upon the needs to live in a much prosperous manner.
I mean, is that the only thing in mind? Money? Material wealth? Come on people. There is more to life compared to just these aspects.
No matter what, i myself have prepared a Resolution List which i do pray to be followed at least for the next 5 months. *winks*
RESOLUTIONS FOR 2008
1. Quit smoking. 2. Quit being someone i am not. 3. Enlarge my social circle. 4. Avoid being so hypocritical. ( at times) 5. Throw extra attention towards academics.
Yes i do practice hypocrisy at certain times. Yet it falls in such subtle manner, beyond notice.
